A three by three table of happenings! - A step towards happiness
Act matters more than the outcome. Intent matters more than the act. And perception matters more than the intent.
Let’s take a small materialistic example,
Positive Intention
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Negative Intention
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Unintended act
| |
Positive Perception
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Happy :)
|
Happy :)
|
Happy :)
|
Negative Perception
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Sad :(
|
Sad :(
|
Sad :(
|
Proportionate Percerption
|
Happy :)
|
Sad :(
|
Undetermined :|
|
Person A wanted to gift beautiful clothes that person A really liked, to persons X and Y. Person B bought beautiful clothes for two friends but those friends left, so s/he thought of giving it to person X and Y, so that the clothes could get utilized. Person C also bought the beautiful clothes for persons X and Y with an intention that that clothes are beautiful but persons X and Y will look fat in those clothes.
Person X has a very positive outlook. Person X was happy when s/he got the clothes from Person A, Person B or Person C regardless of the intent behind them. Person X thought that the clothes were very beautiful and if s/he worked out a little, s/he could fit in the clothes. If person X wouldn’t be able to reduce weight, person X would give the clothes away to someone else who would fit in those clothes. Person X would still be happy.
Person Y has a negative perception. Regardless of the intent of the gift giver, person Y thought that because the gift didn’t suit him/her, person A, B and C are all bad and they made person Y sad.
Person X who had a positive outlook doesn’t necessarily was ignorant of the intentions but person X chose to think positive. Even if person X found out the true underlying intentions, person X continued to stay happy. The example above is a very silly example. But there are big things in life that happen. Acts with much higher level of consequences can happen. Circumstances and situations are the best test to identify people who are true and who are not.Its not our job to punish them or reward them. But it is our job to learn from the experience and move a step closer to the reality. Sometimes, incidences in life help us in coming closer to reality. We should embrace such incidences as they teach us to set realistic expectations and not the desired expectations. Person X understood things and got close to reality without actually getting harmed. And person X didn’t let any act affect his/her happiness.
On the other hand, even if Person Y found out or understood the positive and negative intentions behind the act, person Y chose to base his/her feelings on the net result. Person Y is unhappy even with person with the good intentions because person Y fails to understand how could person A be so thoughtless and how could person B be such a utilitarian without being cognizant of other’s feelings. Person Y chose to move away from reality by setting unrealistic expectations and ignoring the truth.
There could be a person Z, who chose to be happy if the intent was good and feel sad if the intent was bad without worrying about the outcome. The loophole is that person Z will need to judge the intent and be judgemental. It’s said, ‘Those who understand, will not judge and those who judge will not understand.’
Person Z may sound reasonable and practical but who will be the judge for judging the judgement of person Z. How would person Z know if the judgement was real or not.
The above example is just to illustrate a small example. It doesn’t apply to unlawful acts. Criminal acts,acts of lying, or immoral acts are more complicated and beyond the scope of the current discussion. In general, unless extremely devastating conditions occur, which have another tangent, most of the happenings in life are mere acts. It’s our mind that can turn it into good or bad leading to happiness or sadness respectively. That being said, it doesn’t mean that one should turn a blind eye towards the reality. Instead, we should improve our understanding and come closer to reality.
If we are unhappy with someone, it is possible that someone is unhappy with us. While we think that our reason is legitimate, someone else might think that their reasoning is legitimate too. People who seem to be good to us can be bad to others and who seem to be bad to us can be good to others. It relative.
The gist is that our happiness depends on ourselves. The world cannot change, the people cannot change but we can change how we perceive things and learn to stay calm and happy. Life is too short. We are a tiny finite speck in the infinite timeline. Whatever seems as big as a mountain will go away with time anyway because eventually we will go away and with us all our experiences and feelings will go away. Then what is the point in carrying the big mountain with us when all it would do is make us feel burdened all the time. Why shouldn’t we remove that big virtual mountain and feel light and rise, rise above the cobweb of complexed feelings into the clear sky. Why not simplify things. Why not have a positive outlook and see the glass half full. Seeing the glass half full doesnt mean that we don’t know it is half empty. Its just about being thankful for having it half full. Why not smile and generate endorphins and stay happy and healthy! Why shouldn’t we reduce the 3 by 3 table into 1 by 1 table of positive perception and happiness.
Jaya Sonkar, M.D., M.P.H.
©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar 2018
