Likability
Do people like you?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Do you like anyone?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Everyone is the lead character in their own lives. No one plays a supporting or second role in their own story.
Everyone is the center of their lives and wants to see things around them in their favor. And there is nothing wrong with it.
That means that everyone likes themselves, and whatever else they like or whoever else they like matches up with something around their lives.
Likability is self-centric.
Anyone likes anyone because some form of need is being fulfilled.
It can be a very kind need or an unkind one. But some need, some wish, or some purpose is being met, giving rise to likability.
No one likes being beat up.
No one likes being mistreated.
No one likes to be ignored.
No one likes to feel small about themselves.
No one likes to feel dejected.
On the other hand:
Everyone likes to feel valued.
Everyone likes to feel loved.
Everyone likes to be respected.
Everyone likes to be cared for.
Everyone likes to be heard.
Everyone likes to be centered.
Everyone likes to feel good about themselves.
Everyone likes to be nurtured.
Everyone likes a comfort zone.
Something or the other is always being met before the spark of likability ignites.
And all of it has to be absent, and negative stimulus present, before likability ends, dislike begins, or indifference sets in.
So when we like someone, it’s truly what we like about ourselves in the presence of that likable someone.
No one starts liking someone who has caused them harm. Everyone starts liking someone when that person brings positive influence.
So: I like him. I like her. She likes me. He likes me.
Or even: We love someone, or someone loves us. These are all subjective.
Some pull or push is always working when someone likes or dislikes someone.
People who were once close drift apart when the symbiosis ends or the commensalism stops.
A Personal Example
A few days ago, I went to a restaurant. While enjoying my meal, I met an old man who didn’t know anything about Indian food.
He asked me if I knew what those black ball-like things were and if they were good.
I told him excitedly that those are called gulab jamun. Then he had some more questions.
I took my time to explain each dish in the buffet, the best way to eat it and which items should be packed separately. By the time we were done setting our plates, we were both very pleased to have met.
I felt happy helping the old man relish Indian food for the first time, and he was happy to get authentic recommendations.
A very pleasant experience, indeed, a likable one.
In My Work
Similarly, when I meet patients, all of them are close to my heart. They make me feel fulfilled by allowing me to help them.
However, some patients leave a deep impact through their kind gestures and their trust in care. That trust motivates me to go above and beyond, whether it is possible or not.
While the care remains the same for everyone, such people certainly spark the magic of likability.
The Essence of Likability
That being said, we don’t need to bend ourselves backwards, nor do we need to leave ourselves behind to become someone else to experience likability.
Because people don’t really like you. They like themselves, and how you make them feel.
Stay yourself. Stay kind. Stay positive. Create a genuine aura around you, and the people with the same frequency will resonate. They will enter your circle of likability, because they like themselves, and your presence helps them like themselves even more.
So, be likable or not, just make sure to be yourself, and be kind.
Dr. Jaya Sonkar, MD, MPH
9.11.25
©️ Copyright 2025. Dr. Jaya Sonkar. All rights reserved.
