Live without limitations
Express without fear
Be good and do good without expectation of any reciprocation
Are you too proud of being too good?
It is really good to be good, be helpful to others, and be thoughtful and empathetic,..... as long as there is no expectation attached.
Am I good?
I am just a human. It's for others to decide if they perceive me as good or not.
Do I have expectations?
If I am a human and haven't evolved to the level of God, Yes I do have expectations. But, I have learned to manage them and I don't like to allow anyone else to make me sad by not doing what I wanted them to do. Because, if I wanted them to do what they didn't want to do for me, then I am not good anymore.
Should I become altruistic?
Not if I have worldly responsibilities. I took on this life for a purpose and fulfilling that task is my utmost duty. Once I complete that, only then do I earn the right to be altruistic, in which case I can give the 5 elements back which can be altruistically brought to use by recycling and provide to other lives.
I once was a victim of believing that I was too good only to realize later that that goodness might have been a torture of the other. And then the reform started.
Now if I am good and I have expectations, I let myself know that I am a human and am working my way up the spiritual ladder and haven't reached there yet.
If I am good to someone and that goodness actually brings joy to the other without me having any expectation from the other to reciprocate, then I actually feel proud of myself of making good use of the body my life has gotten for this period of time.
If one is good to someone and if one does something for the other because it gives one joy, then that act is very good. However, It must be kept in mind, that the goodness may not be perceived as goodness by the other, especially if that person is expected to reciprocate because that reciprocation may be difficult for the other person due to different circumstances and also that reciprocation may not be joyful to that person.
When you do something with an expectation, then that is a transaction. Oftentimes people say, "I did so much for the other but that other did not do this for me".
The question is was it discussed beforehand that a reciprocation or a return was expected or was it implied? If yes, then yes that is a breach of an unsaid contract. But if it was not discussed or if there was no clarification of such an understanding, then it is not right to blame the other person for not being good in return.
It is also not uncommon to come across this phrase, "I did so much and am the reason behind his or her success but that person was so thankless." Everyone is indebted to something or the other, to someone or the other from the moment born. Parents, siblings, teachers, friends, circumstances, employers, peers, strangers, enemies, everyone plays a role in carving an individual. So certainly, one has a tremendous role in the journey of a lot of people and one owes a lot to others for making their journey and learning possible.
Gratitude is not taken, it is given. It is up to the recipient whether or not to feel grateful. If the other person doesn't feel it from within, then the person should rethink the expectation.
To stay happy, one should only do what one is capable of offering without an expectation of any return. Anything that imposes a task of reciprocation on the other where the other is not nearly as joyful as the one who does the act of kindness, brings pain to the other. And that doesn't necessarily mean that that other person is not good. It just means that the other person's circumstances and feelings do not give them the same joy in reciprocating.
This act of goodness is separate from a business where everything is transactional and a return is expected.
If one truly aspires to walk on the path of goodness, one should ask oneself the following questions:
If I do this, will I expect anything in return?
If I do this, will I be upset if I do not get a return?
If I do this, will it be an effort that will prevent me from being happy?
If I do this and expect something in return, will I be uncomfortable asking for a return or will it be unfair on my part on asking the other to do something in return?
If the answer is Yes to any of the above, then one should not do that thing until one is ready from within to do that and act selflessly as a joy.
Of course, getting a reciprocation or recognition or acknowledgment brings joy but one should not depend on others to bring joy to one. The joy should come from within .
The goal is finding inner joy and being in control. Do what brings joy from within and not let our joy depend on others' actions.
And we must always remember, a positive energy from one to the other will either become kinetic positive energy and be paid forward if not returned or it will become a potential energy which may become kinetic sometime in the future. And it is said, "What goes around comes around."
Jaya Sonkar MD MPH
4/23/23
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