Are you too proud of being too good?

Are you too proud of being too good?

"Neki Kar Dariya Mein Daal"

Its a very good mantra to stay happy

Love without attachment

Live without limitations

Express without fear

Be good and do good without expectation of any reciprocation

Are you too proud of being too good? 

It is really good to be good, be helpful to others, and be thoughtful and empathetic,..... as long as there is no expectation attached.

Am I good?

I am just a human. It's for others to decide if they perceive me as good or not.

Do I have expectations?

If I am a human and haven't evolved to the level of God, Yes I do have expectations. But, I have learned to manage them and I don't like to allow anyone else to make me sad by not doing what I wanted them to do. Because, if I wanted them to do what they didn't want to do for me, then I am not good anymore. 

Should I become altruistic?

Not if I have worldly responsibilities. I took on this life for a purpose and fulfilling that task is my utmost duty. Once I complete that, only then do I earn the right to be altruistic, in which case I can give the 5 elements back which can be altruistically brought to use by recycling and provide to other lives. 

I once was a victim of believing that I was too good only to realize later that that goodness might have been a torture of the other. And then the reform started. 

Now if I am good and I have expectations, I let myself know that I am a human and am working my way up the spiritual ladder and haven't reached there yet.

If I am good to someone and that goodness actually brings joy to the other without me having any expectation from the other to reciprocate, then I actually feel proud of myself of making good use of the body my life has gotten for this period of time. 

If one is good to someone and if one does something for the other because it gives one joy, then that act is very good. However, It must be kept in mind, that the goodness may not be perceived as goodness by the other, especially if that person is expected to reciprocate because that reciprocation may be difficult for the other person due to different circumstances and also that reciprocation may not be joyful to that person.

When you do something with an expectation, then that is a transaction. Oftentimes people say, "I did so much for the other but that other did not do this for me". 

The question is was it discussed beforehand that a reciprocation or a return was expected or was it implied? If yes, then yes that is a breach of an unsaid contract. But if it was not discussed or if there was no clarification of such an understanding, then it is not right to blame the other person for not being good in return.

It is also not uncommon to come across this phrase, "I did so much and am the reason behind his or her success but that person was so thankless." Everyone is indebted to something or the other, to someone or the other from the moment born. Parents, siblings, teachers, friends, circumstances, employers, peers,  strangers, enemies, everyone plays a role in carving an individual. So certainly, one has a tremendous role in the journey of a lot of people and one owes a lot to others for making their journey and learning possible. 

Gratitude is not taken, it is given. It is up to the recipient whether or not to feel grateful. If the other person doesn't feel it from within, then the person should rethink the expectation. 

To stay happy, one should only do what one is capable of offering without an expectation of any return. Anything that imposes a task of reciprocation on the other where the other is not nearly as joyful as the one who does the act of kindness, brings pain to the other. And that doesn't necessarily mean that that other person is not good. It just means that the other person's circumstances and feelings do not give them the same joy in reciprocating.

This act of goodness is separate from a business where everything is transactional and a return is expected.

If one truly aspires to walk on the path of goodness, one should ask oneself the following questions:

If I do this, will I expect anything in return?

If I do this, will I be upset if I do not get a return?

If I do this, will it be an effort that will prevent me from being happy?

If I do this and expect something in return, will I be uncomfortable asking for a return or will it be unfair on my part on asking the other to do something in return?

If the answer is Yes to any of the above, then one should not do that thing until one is ready from within to do that and act selflessly as a joy.

Of course, getting a reciprocation or recognition or acknowledgment brings joy but one should not depend on others to bring joy to one. The joy should come from within .

The goal is finding inner joy and being in control. Do what brings joy from within and not let our joy depend on others' actions.

And we must always remember, a positive energy from one to the other will either become kinetic positive energy and be paid forward if not returned or it will become a potential energy which may become kinetic sometime in the future.  And it is said, "What goes around comes around."

Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

4/23/23

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

My first day at Jaipuria!

It was a pleasant morning. My mom hugged me and wished me well. I went to the bus stop with my dad, my elder brother, and my sister and waited for the bus excitedly. This was my destination. I had always wanted to go to Jaipuria. 

Yes, going to Jaipuria was my dream which came true.

A year ago, I used to go to another elementary school and I always saw my brother and sister going together to Jaipuria. I wanted to join them as soon as I grew old enough.

I was told, growing older wasn't enough and that we needed to pass a very tough entrance test. They ask over 40 questions in 5 minutes and there are several rounds of it. They tested Hindi, English, Math, Memory, etiquette, social skills, etc

My parents taught me well, especially my mom. I remember doing grammar for 10th standard with my mom before the entrance test and yes I topped it with a good lead. 

It was published. My relatives from far off came to congratulate me. One of my mamaji gave me INR 100 which was a lot at that time.

I felt really good. All the recognition was a bonus. For me, my dream of going to Jaipuria with my bhaiya and didi was the biggest which got fulfilled.

I still remember Mrs. Lila Chnadra waving from the window to my parents and she gave me a very warm welcome on the bus. She used to be my bhaiya's teacher and had seen me before.

During the lunch break, my brother came and took me to the canteen and bought me 2 samosas. I was mesmerized by how nice and big this school was as compared to my previous kids' school and how yummy the samosa was. He then gently escorted me back to my class. He was 5 yrs elder than me so I walked with air that such a senior person is my brother :)

Still remember buying stickers and pens from stationary and those fun stationary shop and canteen visits with friends.

The teachers were motivating. Starting from Mrs. Indraramakrishnan, and Mrs. Aloma Das, to Ms. N Kapoor, Ms. Gauri Bhushan, Mrs. Usha Sinha, Mrs. Indu Sharma, Mrs. Bhagoliwal, Mr. Shepherd, Mr. Menon, Mrs. Lal, Mrs. Arora and other honorable teachers, our music and art department, activities, and a lot more.

Certainly, the best in Kanpur. Once in the school, there was no other way but to go higher.

And thereon, it was a journey till the end of the 12th standard. Amazing teachers, great peers and friends, and a steep learning curve. 

At that time, during the matches, we used to cheer our sports team as,

'Wherever we go, people wanna know, Who we are, So we say,

We are the Jaipurians, are mighty mighty Jaiprurians."

All I have to say is that this slogan is so true!!!

Proud to be a Jaipurian!!!

Dr. Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

3/29/2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

It's all about perspective

It's all about perspective!

Everything is relative.

Good or bad

Near or Far

Slow or fast

Future or past

It's all about perspective!

A plane is the fastest among most of the vehicles

When we fly, it doesn't feel fast. In fact, sometimes it feels slow. You see a light that's far off and it moves very slowly towards that.

Is it really moving slowly?

Well, objectively, if we go by the speed, it is going fast. But the speed with which it is approaching that light doesn't feel much. That's because the proportion of distance that it covers is probably not a large proportion.

Similarly, when we are engaged and really enjoy what we are doing or if we are busy, time goes so fast as if a day passed just with a wink of an eye.

But if we are sad, in pain or just unhappy, the time feels very long. 

Someone might feel that the town which is a 100 miles away, is far. The other person drives a 100 miles each way to and back from work. Some other person drives 500 miles a day and some even more. 

What's near to one could be far to the other.

We have an understanding of good and bad, right and wrong and a general notion of good is something that doesn't harm or brings joy.

However, there is an interesting twist to it.

What's good to one might be bad to the other.

Someone might say that giving candy to a child is good and it brings cheer. The other would say it can rot the teeth. 

Someone may say, it's good to reward. The others may say it's better to punish. Another might say rewards may make it too easy. Yet another could say punishment can demotivate people.

Everyone can choose to see the glass half full or half empty . The volume of the glass won't change. The perspective can make a remarkable difference and can result in very different outcomes.

If we really enjoy what we are doing and count the things that we want to do and spin it to always land on a positive perspective,  life is really short and very precious and full of tremendous joy.

Now, you may like this article or you may not.

In the end, it's all about perspective!

Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

3/10/2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

Holy Holi!

Holi ka tyohaar

Rangon ki Bharmar

Toliyan zordar

Koi na bair, sirf Pyar

Holi khushiyan ka tyohaar

Khushiyan ka tyohaar

Bacche pichkari chalaye

Maayein gujhiya banayein

Ghar aaangan sajayein

Papa sangat Ghar le aayein

Mil ke Holi manayein

Holi rang sajayein

Hiranyakahsyap ya prahlad

Har yug mein inke Pratap

Har dharma mein inke avtaar

Bhakti koi bhi Karein aap

Ya padhein koi bhi kitaab

Satya, ahinsa, prem ke hi path

Holi bhulaye Sab santaap

Mil ke Holi manayein sabhi aaj!

Holi hai!

Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

3.10.2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

kya dekha Kya paya

Jab chand aaya

Chandni se mulaakaat hui

Jab baadal aaya

Bheeni si barsaat hui

Jab Mor aaya

Manmohak rang aur nritya ka darshan hua

Jab Hiran aaya

To ankhon ko saundarya ka Anubhav hua

Jab Suraj aaya

To Roshni se parichaya Karaya

Jab taare aaye

To Luka chhupi ka Anand aaya

Jab kohra aaya

To sabkuch aakhon se ojhal paya

Jab andhera aaya

To andhkar mein anutha gyan paaya

Kuch anokha dekha aur apnaya

Man ki ankhon ko ankhon se bhi teevra paya

Chetan man seema se pare hai

Chetna pe Ankush paya

Avchetan man Jo soya tha

Chetan ne avchetan jagaya

'Main' kaun hoon

Ek prashna man mein aaya

Is kathin prashna ka

Uttar bhi atyant kathin paya

Har mod pe

Ek naye main ko paya

Ek gehen adhyayan

Mein apne man me jhanka

Dekha ki Kya hai

Jiske liye main yahan aaya

Jaana ki Raah bana ke aaye the

Rah PE chalte Jaana hai

Manzil to sabki ek din ayegi

Sirf karma karte Jaana hai

Jab Ankhmein moondi

To anant Kal dikhaya

Na Adi hai na ant hai

Anant brahmand sajaya

Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

3/1/2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

The Gurukul Union

"The Gurukul Union"

"Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it."

Education and financial independence is the answer to most of the adverse social determinants of health.

In these times, there are still places where parents might not be able to afford schooling for their children. In such scenarios, it heavily depends on the quality of the public school system, how it would impact a country's future.

We are responsible for the kind of world our future generations will live in.

We can help by making efforts to give them a good life just how some of our great ancestors did to give us a good life.

We need to come together and join hands in educating and preparing our future generations to stand up for themselves.

It's a big goal. And we need big efforts.

Dream big, aim big and achieve big. Let's go Crimson!

That's what I learned at the Harvard University School of Public Health! And it works!

Please sign up for volunteering at the The Gurukul Union.

The pilot program consists of simple goals.

Please gather 1-5 underprivileged children and please make sure to have at least equal number of girls as boys if not more. 

Please donate 1-5 hours per week of your time to teach them the basics of English, Maths and Science and also how to access the computers if possible.

Please volunteer to create test papers and grade.

No child fails. They learn at their pace. The faster they learn, the faster they level up.

We aim to create a cooperative environment where kids don't compete with each other, instead they complement each other.

Please sign up if you would be able to and willing to donate 1 or more of your hour a week to educate 1 or more underprivileged children in your neighborhood.

Please sign up if you are interested in learning about health and aging. The only payback that is requested is that you teach the same to the underprivileged children.

Please sign up your name and email address below if you are willing to volunteer your time to teach underprivileged children.

Thank you,

Dr. Jaya Sonkar MD MPH 

2/23/2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023

Womanhood

Womanhood!

A beautiful princess is born

Star of everyone's eyes

She is delicate as a feather

Yet the ruler of mankind

She needs to be cared for

Because she nurtures life

She is the very essence

She is what makes it alive

Should she be proud 

Should she be scared

Should she be humble

Should she be brave

She is pretty if obedient

She is ugly if rebel

She is desirable if mute

She is hideous when voices

She is herself

Let her be

She cares for her own

Opinion of herself

She should stand

She should speak

She should salute

She should lead 

She is the answer

She is the path

The path is tough

The road is rough

She should have courage

She should have strength

She should be proud 

Of her womanhood.

Some years ago, some gentleman asked me , what do I think about condition of women.

The condition of woman could be good or bad. It depends on how strong she is mentally, physically, socially, financially and above all spiritually.

Are men and women equal?

Absolutely not.

Do they both have brains?

Absolutely yes.

Do they both have equal strength?

Absolutely not

Can they both move mountains?

Absolutely yes

Are they both important

Absolutely yes

Are they both needed for life

Absolutely yes

Do they both have parents

Absolutely yes

Do they both have families

Absolutely yes

Do they both have responsibilities

Absolutely yes

Should they both learn

Absolutely yes

Should they both earn

Absolutely yes

Should they both honor their elders

Absolutely yes

Should they both carry the torch for their ancestors

Absolutely yes

Could they both give birth

Hasn't been achieved until now

Do we need new lives

Absolutely yes

If not abundant, at least enough to continue mankind

Should the woman work

Absolutely yes

Should the woman be given rest when she is bringing a life to the world

Absolutely yes

Should she be penalized for doing so

Absolutely not

Should she be honored for taking the time to nurture a little being

Absolutely yes

Should she be respected for doing so

Absolutely yes

Should she be using this as an excuse to not work

Absolutely not

Should she take care of her parents

Absolutely yes

Should she take care of elderly in laws

Absolutely yes

Should she dump her parents

Absolutely not

Should she allow anyone to dishonor her origin

Absolutely not

Should she put anyone else's parents before hers

Absolutely not

Should she respect and care for all elderly whether parents or not

Absolutely yes

Should HE respect and care for all elderly whether parents or not

Absolutely yes

Should he take care of elderly in laws

Absolutely yes

Should he dump his parents

Absolutely not

Should HE feel superior because of muscle

Absolutely not

Should HE provide care with that muscle

Absolutely yes

Should she misuse that muscle

Absolutely not

Should she honor that care

Absolutely yes

Is dowry a good thing

Absolutely not

Are wedding gifts from everyone good

Absolutely yes 

As it helps two people to come together 

Create a family and provide a little one 

The beautiful home

Growth of children is not just parents responsibility

Its said that it takes a village to grow a child

It actually takes a whole world to raise a child

Should she depend on her brother to take care of those who brought her to life

Absolutely not

Should he depend on his sister to take care of those who brought him to life

Absolutely not

Should HE depend on his wife to take care of those who brought him to life

Absolutely not

Should she be able to work and live her dreams

Absolutely yes

Should she stand up for herself

Absolutely yes

Should this thought that a good daughter in law is someone who let's her parents be humiliated and dishonored and allows herself to be disrespected , stays quiet and gives into everything good or bad, compromises her respect, her wishes and her dreams to put her Spouse 's first, is a well cultured woman , correct?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Is she a human

Absolutely yes

Should she live on her own terms

Absolutely yes

Should she hold her head high

Absolutely yes

Should she be a rebel

Hope it's never needed

Should she be kind

Absolutely yes

Should she be learned

Absolutely yes

Should she be educated

Absolutely yes

Should she be nurtured

Absolutely yes

Should she nurture others

Absolutely yes

Are men and women equal

Absolutely not

Both are meant for different purposes 

When it comes to bringing a life

But are they equal otherwise

Let me think...

They both have emotions

Absolutely yes

They both have a mind

Absolutely yes

They both have bodies

Absolutely yes

Should they both be given an equal opportunity to live a full life

Absolutely yes

Women should stop taking pride on how well they were able to abandon their roots to grow into a new soil.

They need to make sure , they are proud of their roots and nurture them, and honor the soil they came from and grow into such a big tree and spread the prosperity to whichever soil they reach!

Are women precious

Absolutely yes

Are men precious

Absolutely yes

It took one Adam and one Eve to make a wonder possible. Look at it, the mountains are moved, the oceans are churned, the stars are reached, and everything that is today became possible.

So both are EQUALLY precious and both should have equal rights to prosper, flourish and LIVE the life to the fullest!

Dr. Jaya Sonkar MD MPH

2/20/2023

©All rights reserved. Jaya Sonkar  2023